Run to Eat

There is a very interesting thread on CoolRunning titled Do you eat to run or run to eat? where the question has be posted by Felisaffe: "...how intricate the connection people's running is with their eating..."

This is a huge issue for me nowdays. I definitely run to eat and I am borderline on having a major eating disorder.

I never used to be like this. When I started running in 2003, I ran purely for fitness and simply to see what I was capable of. Over the past 12-18 months I have increased my training, and therefore had an additional weightloss which I admit I love. I like looking lean - to me it makes me feel more like a 'runner'. With every single thing I eat I mentally count the kilojoules content and keep a daily total in my head. The minutes I run are -ve kJs which will then allow me to eat something later in the day. If I don't run then I will deny myself food. I always feel guilty about the food I eat and will always weigh up [pardon the pun] the input vs the output.

So how did I become obsessed? I think my marriage breakdown had a lot to do with it. I have now become more concerned about how I look. My self-confidence has taken a battering and I would often pose the question to myself "who would want to hook up with a women in her mid-30's with two kids?" I want to look the best I can and I think I look better slimmer.

The bigger question now is how do I break out of the cycle. I hate it but I can't see any way to stop.

I have put on a couple of kgs since Six Foot Track - which a few people have said looks better on me for it - but I hate it.