Bad few days

My ex husband remarried on Saturday. I can't put a finger on exactly how I am feeling. I have cried an awful lot the past 48 hours - but it is not about him. It's more of a reminder about how shitty my life has become and I feel like I am drowning at the moment.

I saw them this morning in Williamstown and I totally broke down in the car. I know they are off on their honeymoon today and I really want them to be happy. Why can't I be happy?

Running the past few days has been the furthest thing on my mind. I did not even have the energy to get up this morning for the Run Melbourne Half Marathon. There's $80 wasted.

Plodding along

My Sunday long run this week just didn't happen. I am so sick of being tired. I have been travelling way too much for work lately and it totally mucks me around. Add to that my messy house I simply can't get motivated to go for a run when I look at everything I need (washing, cleaning, etc).

I was planning to go to the Dandenongs early on Sunday morning but I had so many things to do that I just couldn't justify the time for a run. I also had MCC tickets to the Carlton/Collingwood game (Go Blues!!!) which meant I had to be at the MCG by 1pm. Therefore the only run I could fit in was 1 hour whilst my youngest son was at footy training (thankfully he had a bye this week!)

So...
Saturday - 50 minutes with the dog, Williamstown
Sunday am - 1 hour, Williamstown
Monday pm - 1 hour, Williamstown - included some hard efforts
Tuesday am - walk the dog
Tuesday pm - Speed/Strength session at the gym

Wasted week

Monday I ran from Williamstown into the city and around the Tan. It did become a little chilly after 5pm but I was very happy to feel so good doing a 2.5 hour run with no gels.

The rest of the week was a waste. I flew to Auckland for work on Tuesday and despite having my running gear packed, I did not get out at all. I don't sleep well when I travel and the two hour difference was enough to muck me around further. Thursday I woke up sick with a top lip full of cold sores and my glands swollen. Today I am a little better but very tired.

Going through a hate myself phase.

Back into it

This week I have managed to get out for a run most days and my results look like this:
Sunday - 21km
Monday - 11km
Tuesday - 10km
Wednesday - 12km
Thursday - Gym/weights
Friday - 8km
Saturday - Rest
Sunday - 2 hour bike + 16km run
= 78kms in 8 days.

Tomorrow (Monday) I am planning a 2.5 to 3 hour run which sould give me 100+kms in 9 days. I would like to head to the Dandenongs but I don't think I have time. Perhaps I will run into the city (15km) then over to the Tan for a couple of laps. I will have to see if I can get someone to give me a lift home if I turn up on their doorstep.

Food has been pretty bad this week. On two days I didn't eat after breakfast then Wednesday & Friday nights and this afternoon I binged. Planning to see a professional on Friday when I get back from Auckland.